3 Reasons Tesla (NASDAQ: TSLA) Will Crush Earnings

Can Anything Stop the Tesla Juggernaut?

Written by Brian Hicks
Posted February 9, 2015 at 1:32PM

teslacrushTesla (NASDAQ: TSLA) is scheduled to report Q4, 2014 on Wednesday.

What should investors expect?

Analysts are looking for $1.23 billion in revenue for the fourth quarter (up from $761.3 million in Q4, 2013), and $3.7 billion in 2014 revenue. This would be a $2.48 billion increase over FY, 2013.

Of course, no one knows for certain, as I've seen analysts get it wrong time and time again with this one.

Fortunately, I had the opportunity to sit down with myself over a cup of coffee this morning and speculate on what's in store for this truly remarkable company …

Origami Unicorns

The way I see it, we're going to learn 3 things on Wednesday.

First, Elon Musk is finally going to reveal that he is, in fact, not human at all, but rather an intellectually-advanced alien life form that was sent to earth to save us from our own stupidity.

Second, it will be announced that the reason the Model X is taking so long to get on the road is not because of issues with the falcon wing doors, but rather a few minor hiccups with the invisibility cloaking device designed to help drivers allude speed traps and the three remaining Hummer owners who like to throw urine-filled water balloons at Tesla drivers.

Elon Musk is also expected to reveal his latest concept called the Model i-WiN

The i-WiN is a family-sized mini-van that delivers an all-electric range of 350 miles on a single charge. The vehicle also doubles as a hyperloop shuttle, a reusable spacecraft, and a robotic solar installer. No pricing information has been offered yet.

What will probably not be discussed is the recent news leaked by TMZ that lawmakers in Arizona, New Jersey, Texas and Michigan are currently drafting type-written letters begging Musk to leave their superfluous car dealership dynasties alone, and focus Tesla sales only in states where those stupid liberal hippies have to ruin everything. Apparently, these letters all include coupons for free five-dollar footlongs from Subway, and various origami unicorns.

In the meantime a half million people have watched an amateur video of the Model X driving around in a shipyard. This kind of response typically happens any time a car maker gets ready to introduce a new model. But not really.

Viva Tesla!