10 Tesla (NASDAQ: TSLA) Stories you Missed

Why Tesla (NASDAQ: TSLA) is Tanking Today

Written by Brian Hicks
Posted February 17, 2015 at 2:48PM

yesmodelsHere's the great thing about being an analyst …

You can just make shit up anytime you want. And if your title is catchy enough, it'll show up in the financial news feeds.

Case in point: The Street's article entitled, “Tesla Stock Declining Today as Apple Works on Electric Car.”

Interestingly, the rumors of an Apple electric car have been circulating since last week, but never mind the particulars. Tesla (NASDAQ: TSLA) is down about 0.03% right now – and someone had to write the obligatory Tesla piece today.

Of course, if you're just going to make these kinds of connections without the backing of anything substantial, you might as well have some fun with it. Here are ten ideas for headlines …

1.) Tesla Stock Declining on reports of Elon Musk having a case of explosive diarrhea

2.) Tesla Stock Plummets as Evil Koch Brothers eat Bald Eagle Sandwiches in Gold-Plated Hummers

3.) Tesla Crashes because Electric Cars are Stupid and nobody Wants them!

4.) Tesla Shorts Pile Up on News that Elon Musk funded the World Trade Center Attacks

5.) New Prius gets 55 mpg, Tesla Shareholders Struggle to Hold on

6.) Tesla Sinks after selling zero units in Greenland

7.) New Model X Doesn't Fly as Odd-Shaped Doors Suggest. Stock Slips on Major Disappointment

8.) Huge Fail: Upgraded Tesla Roadster Delivers only 340 miles on Single Charge. Stock Tanks!

9.) Elon Musk Grows Beard, looks like an Annoying Hipster. Sell! Sell! Sell!

10.) Tesla Creates the World's Most Perfect Car. Stock Plummets Because Perfection is for Pussies!